Processing the Many Blessings in Our Lives

Today was fasting testimony meeting. The beginning of a month meant to be full of gratitude. As I sat in sacrament, I thought about able all the trials and tribulation that myself and my husband had endured through the last eighteen months. I thought about how difficult it has been to get out of bed many days and how it has been difficult to go to work and church. I thought about the many nights I have laid in bed, unable to sleep, because of the weight on my shoulders (or pain). 

As I sat there thinking about all of that, member after member got up and bore a testimony of the love they have felt from their Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. Member after member got up and bore a testimony of gratitude. Some expressed the difficulties they have faced over the last month. One lady even expressed the appreciation and love she has for our congregation for taking care of her during the grieving of her husband this past week. Member after member got up in front of a large congregation and bore testimony of how the Lord has impacted their lives.

I sat there taking in all of the words being shared and I had a bitterness in my heart. While all of these members bore testimony of the ways the love of the Savior has impacted their lives, I felt alone. Not because I don’t know that my Savior loves me. Not because I think that I have been left alone. But because while God has been blessing all of these other members, I have been hurting and struggling. 

Then I thought to myself maybe, just maybe, our burdens are different. An elderly lady just lost the love of her life, her partner, and best friend. She is grieving that loss yet still has found a way to see God’s light and love. While that it her burden and battle it is not mine. While my burden and battle is medical bills due to poor health, that is not hers. 

Heavenly Father has not abandoned me nor has He abandoned you. Our burdens and battles of everyday life are different for different reasons and different lessons. I’m not quite sure what reason or lesson my battles have, but I do know that I am not walking this path alone.

I left testimony meeting with peace in my heart. Peace in a heart filled with love and gratitude. I couldn’t imagine what walking this path would look like if I truly were alone. As hard as it is now, it would be unbearable without my Lord and Savior.